My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
