First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
