Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
