fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize