which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
