had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
