Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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