i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
