I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
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Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
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I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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