You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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