if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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