I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
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Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
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It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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