Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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