Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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