used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
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