Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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