sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
