I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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