so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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