Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
