In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
