it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
