i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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