All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
