Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
