If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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