You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
