Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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