Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
That was an excessively violent trivia night
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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