shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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