I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
They have beer where we have blood.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
he just fucked me for my cheese..
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
