I need help removing her.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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