You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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