Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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