Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
