Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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