i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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