I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
