I heard we made out
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
