My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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