I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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