Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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