So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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