I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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