mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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