I'm going to jail i love you
my phone needs a breathalizer
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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