I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
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You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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