what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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