Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
