Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
