I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm passing your future prison.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
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The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize