No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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