Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
