so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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