I am puke
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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