i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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