He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
