I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He passed out mid-signature
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
