There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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