I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
