ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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