If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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