There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
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