I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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