i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
