I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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